I feel absolutely dead inside.

It’s one of those days.

I bend and bend until I break. I break and try to heal myself. In the process I only hurt myself more. I should be happy right now. 

I have him beside me.

I am finally graduating.

One step closer to being free.

Somehow that doesn’t make me happy. The tears fall. I lay down and can’t help but feeling so lifeless, helpless, useless. I feel as if I could die right there. 

I feel like the worst person on earth right now…

I can’t help but think it. 

I can’t help but think everyone is better off without me.

Even him…

So ready to be done with family. Fuck family.

All I need is him.

And it all starts to crumble, once again.

I feel like shit.

I am laying on the couch, trying to sleep. He took the whole bed most of the night. So I just came here. The couch isn’t that comfy, so maybe try my brothers bed. Its better than the floor…

Maybe my golden retriever will cuddle with me…

Maybe Jealousy?

I hate when people try and compliment my boyfriend. Today he was complimented by some new chick at work about how nice his eyes are. He said, “Thanks. My girlfriend thinks so too.” It bugs me when women hit on him. We talked about getting a cheaper wedding band for him, so I have peace of mind. He liked the idea, and for talking about engagement. It isn’t that I don’t trust him, its just…. I don’t know. I have an insane amount of jealousy with him. The worst I have ever had in a relationship.